sampler 2013

by Claire Raby

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1.
2.
04:45
3.
04:16
4.
02:03
5.
05:24

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released June 21, 2013

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Claire Raby Riverhead, New York

Claire Raby is a singer/songwriter who writes dark, emotive ballads with layers of harmonies and rounds of infectious melodies. Her ethereal voice haunts many of the cafés, churches, bars and basements of eastern Long Island. She has been performing solo for 13+ years, and counting (every one), and her performances are graced occasionally with backing vocals by some very talented L.I. musicians. ... more

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Track Name: we can't do this anymore
you said, we can't do this anymore
and I said, I know

I find myself
sifting through letters
(sifting through the mail)
and checking for calls on my cell
(checking for holes in my cell)

I ask myself (I ask myself)
(what is the point of this hell)
(I ask myself)
what is the point if I
can't even handle it well
(what is the point of this hell)

why torture myself
I die every time your presence is felt
(die every time our silence is squelched)
a blazing fire is fed
I crave for this thirst to be quenched
(I need for this need not to be met)

this morning I saw your ghost
sitting in front of the window
you'd never wear that, I said
you'd never understand what that meant

I ask myself (I ask myself)
what is the point if I
can't even explain it well
(why do I torture myself)
(I ask myself, I ask myself)
what is the point if I
can't even tell you myself
(why do I torture myself)

are you watching
(are you listening)
are you listening
(are you watching)
(I ask myself)
are you watching
(are you really listening)
are you listening
(are you watching me)
Track Name: blue willow
and I can see her beyond you
skulking away into the next room
you soak her blue right into you
and I cannot find a way to keep you grey (to make you stay)

but I won't let her take away
the only sweet that I can taste
(the only substance that I crave)
so I, in vain, release my rage
(so I invade your every space)
and I can only say that "if circumstances were changed..."
(I can only say I'm not really so deranged)

willow will you think I am cruel
if I continue to make the same mistake

and all the while I kept repeating
feelings (the things) a child would believe in
and I've been longing for the day I'll be able
to live without fear of the creature that
the night will turn me to

and all the blackened blue I'm covering you in
may not be the way to say I
envy every inch of you that he appreciates
and I am covered in the blood of every
woman that I've bathed in all the
(I'm splayed with all the)
animosity I breed with all the love I make
(insecurities I feed with all the love I waste)

one single throw and every eye in the room is fixed on me
to them I know she's just an unsuspecting casualty
I count to three and every part of me seethes with rage
for you I suppose I am a shining portrait of insanity
Track Name: in dreams
he visits in dreams
sad and smiling
blue-grey and sea green
he overwhelms me
so endearingly

wrong from the start
I'm (get) used to it

he haunts me in my sleep
and I wake to find I'm missing
that feeling of defeat
but needing him all the same

I see it in his eyes
they're noble and revealing
of some loyalty to time
he can't bother with the feeling

but how can I expect to change his mind
there's no way that we can change what we've left behind

the only time we speak
is when I'm settled in to sleep
and I am startled every time
that you could really be so kind

and I am terrified of what I might say
and I am still ashamed of words that I've claimed

he haunts me in my sleep
(the only time we speak)
and I wake to find I'm missing
(is when I'm settled into sleep)
(sad and smiling)
that feeling of defeat
(and I am startled every time)
(blue-grey)
but needing him all the same
(that you could really be so kind)
(and sea green)

I see it in his eyes
(and I am terrified to say)
(rolled in cozy)
they're noble and revealing
(that I could really feel this way)
(familiarity)
I wonder of the guise
(and I've been feeling so ashamed)
what his kindness is concealing
(of all the bullshit that I've claimed and I have so much strain)

with so much strain on my heart
I'll never get used to used to it (this)
Track Name: gall
if I could stay here
for just one moment I could muster up the gall
I don't feel safe here
but if I wander off, I promise not to fall

pack your bags and walk the streets alone
not knowing where to go
when I look back I see so many wrongs
(although I can't stay here)
but if I'd never left my doorstep
(I know I can always sing your song)
would I've ever sung your song

(all this time's been passing me by)
I don't know why I cannot find myself
(don't know why I cannot find myself)
I guess I'm lost in the twilight
don't know why I try to hide behind
the things I love can't make me real
(can they make me real)

when the coast is clear
(if I could stay here)
I'll finally find a new sweet dear
(for just one moment I could muster up the gall)
and I can't live without these things
but I can't live my life through them

and I'll find you when the coast is clear
(I don't feel safe here)
I'll finally find a new sweet dear
(but if I wander off, I promise not to fall)
and I can't live without them
but I cannot live life through them

and I found you when the coast was clear
(here's to staying out too late)
I finally found my new sweet dear
(and stumbling into every state)
and I can't live without you
(that I can bring myself to)
but I cannot live through you

and I know it's never really clear
(and I'm used to staying up too late)
what'll happen after it leaves my ears
(and sleeping in late every day)
but I can take what silence (stagnance) brings
'cause I can always sing your song
(I know I can always sing your song)

(if I could wait here for one more moment I could wander off alone)
don't know why I cannot find myself
(don't know why I cannot find myself)
I guess I'm lost in the twilight

(don't know my way here, oh I am out of place and out of places to go)
don't know why I try to hide behind
the things I love, they make me real
(won't make me real)
Track Name: oh, dear
oh dear, oh dear, I'm sorry to say
it's so easy to think of you this way
I never thought I could entertain this delusion, this child's play
I wonder if I have ever really changed

my dear, my dear, I've been meaning to say
I don't envy that people think of you this way
we hang onto your every phrase
it's ritual to violate your privacy
but is this a price you should pay

a beseeching melody accompanies your effigy
(a·b·c·d·e·f·g I feel like I am still thirteen)
but a child isn't as jaded as me
(still I sing your cadence in my sleep)

dear me, dear me, I think I'm crazy
I've dotted every t, but my ends won't seem to meet
(cross my eyes and hope to bleed)

what if I will never see
any of the things that I had hoped I would achieve
at this point I'd settle for being ordinary
in the middle of the night
I'm so afraid that I have wasted my life
and everything I say
will be cemented in some hopeless, terrifying shape
oh but when did I succumb to this debilitating rage

oh dear, oh dear, I'm sorry to say
(I've been meaning to say)
it's so easy to think of you this way
(I don't envy that people think of you this way)
I never thought I could entertain this delusion, this child's play
(a beseeching melody accompanies your effigy)
but a child isn't as jaded as me
(still I sing your cadence in my sleep)

a beseeching melody accompanies your effigy but a child isn't as jaded as me
(I wonder if I'll change, I wonder if this game will end in only pain)
a·b·c·d·e·f·g I feel like I am still fourteen but a child isn't as jaded as me
(I wonder if I'll change, I wonder will this game end in only pain)
a beseeching melody accompanies your effigy but a child isn't as jaded as me
(I wonder if I'll change, I wonder if this game will end in only pain)
(I wonder will this game end in only pain)
a·b·c·d·e·f·g I feel like I am still fifteen but a child isn't as jaded as me
oh dear me