contention

by Claire Raby

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1.
04:38
2.
01:36
3.
04:54
4.
03:48
5.
02:02
6.

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released April 18, 2015

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Claire Raby Riverhead, New York

Claire Raby is a singer/songwriter who writes dark, emotive ballads with layers of harmonies and rounds of infectious melodies. Her ethereal voice haunts many of the cafés, churches, bars and basements of eastern Long Island. She has been performing solo for 13+ years, and counting (every one), and her performances are graced occasionally with backing vocals by some very talented L.I. musicians. ... more

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Track Name: contentment
despite contentment with the content of your character
I will present my presence as a bystander
and I'll pretend this pretense is coincidence
and hope you don't gauge my engagement or this imminence

and I object to you as an object
(and you're the object of my objectification)
try to reset my failure to respect
(the spectacle of my blind speculation)
but I'll descend into the indecent despite it all
(your sinister syllables sink me to salivation)

and I will lay content with my life
(through this rose colored glass)
and through your spectacles
(I will drink to forgetting the past)
you'll see only roses in the words you read
(and I will sink into forgetting my place)

and in this image of tranquility
(and I will spend the time that I'm supposed to feel the most free)
I will escape from the things that possess me
(trying to figure what the fuck would possess me)
but my mind will remain in the place I am running away from
(but my brain will fixate on the things that I can't get away from)

and I keep waiting for these alarms to sound
I'll keep chipping at these walls till they fall down
but all I can hear is the silence between our words
and I have spouted so many more words than I can ever recover from

("and I don't think I'll ever recover")

and in my frantic crunch time just to keep you in my life
I will let you slip by like everything I've ever desired
and I will salt these open wounds with representations of you
and I'll deflect my need for you with inadequate substitutes

failure is inevitable, what's not an option is you
and I'll believe that to succeed is the only way to keep you proud of me
and this will keep me moving when I am ready to fall
and I will follow your example as a means to avoid your call

(if I hold on I can't move on, there's so much more left to be done)
and I'll believe that to succeed is the only way to keep you close to me
Track Name: askew
and so what else is new, I am recklessly running to you
and I will twist your words askew to make myself think less of you
and so what else is new I am repeatedly running from you
and I'll perceive your words anew to make myself think more of you

and so what else can I do while you are stuck in my head
and I know it's not what intended to be, not what I was meant to do
and so what else can I do while you are here in my head
and it's not what I consented to, oh what have I descended to for you

and so what else is new, I am askew over you
and I will run, run from you until I circle back to you

and so what else can I do, I am repeatedly running from you
and I'll perceive your demeanor demeaningly
till I believe it to be the truth
and so what else can I do as you encompass my ear
and I'm in no shape to confess my eagerness here
in each dwindling opportunity to do so

and so what else is new, I am recklessly running to you
and I'll proceed to be demure until I believe you are telling the truth
and so what else is new, I am encircled by your assertions
and I am left at the whim of assumption
it's not my intention to think poor of you
and so what else is new, I am askew
Track Name: burn out
the worst is all the fire that you breathe into my lungs
and when you leave me it just smoulders and I'm left with fumes and sludge
if the worst is over, why am I still clutching to my guns?
(will you tell me if I falter, if I step beyond my bounds)
if I can't be forward, why do I keep walking backwards?
(I can't take another love that lives under shadows and overtones)

and when you see me, I will be young
and when you leave me, I will be done

(there's no more can be done)

(slow down, take your time now
my heart stills till it falls out)

if only I could cut these words from the tip of my tongue
and cut out my eyes so I would no longer see you in my reflection
you're only real if I speak your name
"love" only exists scribbled on the scraps that litter my brain, and...
(on the scattered scraps that fill my brain, and)

(come now, you're alive still
don't just lie down and wait for time to burn out)

the earth is all on fire and I've gotten so tired
of trying to save what can't be saved
I'm losing all my patients who were stable
till I made concessions, and left them to this wreck that can't be staved

all along my world was sick
it all has always turned to shit
and all in all this was never all we are
(all in all was never all we are)

(all we knew was all we learned
all we saw was how things turned
all we ever wanted was to love)

oh no, I've sold my soul
oh no, I've stolen it all
oh no, I wish you wouldn't go
(I wish I didn't have to go)
(can I hold on?)
Track Name: details
I watch the outline of your fingers fade
and imprint it in my brain alongside every inch of your face
align my thoughts like objects in a row
I'll never get this straight, and I'll never let it go

if I drop a coin in this jar, maybe I'll be saved
("god save you, save you")
("save ourselves")
("you can't save me")
do you play with knives like I wander the streets at night
to prove you're not afraid?

I tend to be attentive to the details
in my scheme of things, insignificance is all that's real
my truth transforms into fiction behind my eyes
it hides in the light ("the light behind your eyes")

firelight in the snow
I prayed for your safe home
my former life comes to close
("[when] you can't get home")
another blank headstone
but what can I say
it is never too late to grow old
and what if I save myself
only to be stuck in the cold ("so close")

one step too many
three for every
five stages of grief
("a denial, a denial")
we're sick, so sullied
from seven days running
we're tired of losing sleep
(I ate my pride for you)
("a denial, a denial")

I tell myself I love you
but what have I come to
I listen close for word of you
(my ears open, my heart is shut)
oh, what have you come to
(I procreate my own bad luck)
what have we come to?

one step too many
(I tell myself I love you)
three for every
five stages of grief
(but what have we come to)
we're sick, so sullied
("denial, a denial")
(I'll listen close for word of you)
from seven days running
I hate myself over you
(oh, what have we come to)

one, two, three, I'll bleed this disease
("denial, a denial")
(I tell myself I love you)
for five days straight into defeat
(but what have you done now)
cease to be so accepting of extremes
(I'll wait here for word from you)
be grateful for this grain of wheat
(oh, what have I come to)
Track Name: let go
the only role I know how to play
is woman scorned and gone astray
and there's no one alive that could divert my fate
I am self-prophesied to decay

let go, let go, don't let yourself go
are you running around run aground?
let go, let go, don't you dare let him know
you're enclosing your heart in his hands

(let go, don't let yourself go
you don't even notice you're adrift in the road
let go, don't let yourself go
you can't let him know your heart is exposed)

(no one alive, there's none left alive)

let go, let go, don't let yourself go
are you spiraling out, dying down?
and get set, go, are you scared to go forward with
entrusting your heart in his hands?

(maintain composure, I'm under control, over'n'out
entertain the notion that patience will eventually win out)

let go, let go, don't let yourself go
(maintain composure, I'm here with your ghost, shutting down)
I am here with your ghost, shutting down
let go, let go, don't let yourself go
(entertain the notion that reason will eventually win out)
I hope reason will eventually win out
Track Name: slayer (dramatic irony)
and you slay me with this fallacy
o, drown me in your intensity
(you make this seem so easy)
will you kill me if I speak my piece
(I can no longer hold my peace)
will I lose this streak if I make this leap?
(do I presume to make an ass of me?)
(I'll assume the role of head asshole)

and your tongue is sharper than the pierce of your stare
and I've found myself here again in the middle of nowhere
and I'll take these red flags and I'll display them as flair
and I'll stow this in my pocket if I think it'll get me there

when you lay me in contented sleep
oh, I will pray you want my soul to keep
and if I die before wake tonight
oh, at least I can say I've found peace in your darkness

and your tongue is sharper than the pierce of your stare
and I've found myself here again in the middle of nowhere
and I'll take these red flags and I'll display them as flare
(oh no, oh no)
and I'll stow this in my pocket if I think it'll get me there

(I dream in music, I wake to silence
I sing the melody with no accompaniment
the songs are shallow and pale in comparison
to all the instruments that ring inside my head)

and you slay me with this contingency
and you reel me in just to throw me back to sea
and I'll die before I make this right
(hook, line, sinker, I'm out on the brink here)
but at least I can say I'm at peace with your lies
(I've swallowed your bait and I don't know if I'll make it)
(I can't even take it)

and your tone is harsher than the dissonance in your stare
I've placed myself here again, but I can't find you anywhere
I'll fly this red flag and you can commandeer my every hand
(come on dear and give a damn)
(oh no, oh no)
I'll follow your lead if you will follow through with your plans
(my only wish is your command)

you can tie me down and I am bound to let you slip away
and I will hang around your haunts and you will haunt me just the same
(surround myself in your aura now just to watch it dissipate)
and in these tired rounds I'll bow out, let inevitability be
and I won't fight for what I want if it means I'll never know peace

you can tie me down and I am bound to let you slip away
and I will hang around your haunts and you will haunt me just the same
and in these tired rounds I'll bow out, let inevitability be
and I won't fight for what I want if it means I'll never know, oh no
(immerse myself beneath each swell
have I found myself caught and felled)